Slow Day

So cliché to write about boys. But if writing is a release of what is stuck on my mind then so be it to death.

Someone recently said of me that I am the type of girl who, when the guy meets me, he’ll know right then and there.

I think the implication was that when it comes to me, you have to be all in or all out.

It sounds limiting but at the same time… I wouldn’t want it any other way.

I have a big personality, and no desire to take it down…even a notch. So I fully understand and support a love it or hate it approach to me.

That’s how I have always pictured it happening for me. Instant.

Boy walks in, opens his mouth, says the most intelligent/hilarious/coolest shit you have ever heard…I retaliate with something smarter/funnier/cooler .
We then fall in love, get married, have kids, get old and die together. Without even an ounce of hard work put in between the two us. Easy. Breezy. Lazy

My biggest fear is falling victim to the trap.

The trap being: a boy liking you being enough of a reason to like him back.

I used to think of myself as someone who could make it work with anyone.

However, announcing this little introspection at a recent dinner with my nearest and dearest was met with uproarious opposition. A “you’re delusional” quip even got dropped.

I thought this way because at one point in time, I was making it work with “anyone.” And this self-reflection was something I was almost proud of.

At dinner one night, I sat across from “anyone” while he droned on about operating budgets, failing to notice my eyes glazing over, and I literally thought to myself “I can make it work with anyone. I’m a real catch!!”

Anyone rarely made me laugh and I don’t recall him ever saying anything remarkable. He was a nice enough guy, but when it came down to it the only thing interesting to me was that he was interested in me.

Being interested in someone interested in me caused dependencies to form, habits to be confused with genuine feelings and in the end my heart got a beating over something mediocre.

Clichés abound here but Im going to throw in another. I am in a really good place right now, and I don’t want it compromised with subpar fuckwittage and unnecessary drama.

So yes, my demand for fireworks, supernovas, earth shattering encounters, are of prima donna-esk proportions. But im hoping it will keep me out of the trap.


Meeting that dude that makes all the bullshit worth the effort has yet to happen for me in the first 25 years of my life, but I’ve got a good feeling about the next 25.

Stay tuned for the inevitable, "I met this guy, and I guess he is sorta cute, and a lil bit funny, but I am sure that he is the ONE" blog.